I try to be a good person and am sometimes rather surprised to find that I lie rather freely, if only in my head. So here are a few recent ones that I want to get off my chest:
I took my own cup of tea in my own mug into the Eurotunnel terminal. It appears to be almost devoid of non-commercial bottom perches, so I sat on a high stool in a coffee shop mentally rehearsing a defiant speech about how I was drinking special tea because I have special dietary needs due to a rare medical complaint. I did not get to make the speech as noone gave a hoot what I was drinking and the ratio of staff to disgruntled travellers was about 1:300.
In Tescos I told the machine that I was using 3 of my own bags when it was actually only 2. It probably knew I was a wrong-un as it did "unexpected item in bagging area" 6 times and reported me to the supervisor for trying to buy a bottle of Riesling. (My 54 year old sister who is a real villain was recently reported for trying to buy a courgette.)
I told a woman that I couldn't help with the Community Seed Swap because I was cooking my mother Sunday lunch, but my partner is really cooking it as I wouldn't go within a mile of a raw loin of pork.
I wrote in an email to the organiser that I was looking forward to visiting her project which involves 4 changes and 4 types of public transport across London on a Saturday. I will probably like it when I am there though.
I am lying about the date when I wrote this as I started it sometime in late Feb but then got distracted, tucked it in draft, and have only just written the last two paras. My contemporary followers (numbers 1-5) will know the date is untrue but I am deceiving future generations. I have programmed this paragraph to self-destruct in one week's time.